Had a good old sorry-fest today. I woke up but couldn’t see any reason to get up. There were reasons and I did sort of get up at one point but I still felt lousy with this lingering cold so ’stay in bed’ was the preferred option. For the rest of the morning I chewed over all the crap that’s going on and finally shook off the duvet about midday.
When you are having a proper grump you don’t want to talk to anybody so instead of greeting the world I picked up my guitar and played Randy Stonehill’s Christmas At Denny’s. ‘Just help me find some kind of hope in my heart’ just about hit the spot. Then I remembered Stephen Bishop’s Madge, a song I learnt to play years ago about a long lost love. I looked up the lyrics on Google and found a video of him singing the song on YouTube. I was now on a roll so I looked up Sarah Mclachlan singing When She Loved Me. Its a real weepie and even better when you watch the live recording.
The musical finalé was Davy Spillane playing Caoineadh Cu Chulainn from Riverdance on the uilleann pipes, possibly the most haunting and beautiful piece of music you will ever hear. It kind of went a little flat after that but I held out till 3:45 when I had to go out. There was no tea and sympathy (Janis Ian) because I didn’t have a hot drink and I stayed on my own.
I had a long walk home before tea with time to mull over the day. All in all it hadn’t been too bad. I think I needed a day off, needed to visit some old friends, lick some wounds and generally chill out. Sometimes you’ve got to get on with it, other times that’s just sweeping stuff under the carpet when what you need is a good old fashioned pity party where you hug yourself better. But you’ve got to go the whole hog because anything that’s worth doing is worth doing properly.
Please note: if you feel depressed for more than a few hours, if you have thoughts of self loathing, self harm or harm to others you should seek professional help. Also, it is unhealthy to harbour feelings of bitterness or resentment. That would be like wrapping yourself in barbed wire.
